We had sex again on Sunday - I was feeling super horny and asked her if she wanted to - and she said it was up to me, of course that's not really sexy, but it gave me the chance to take advantage of her, even if she wasn't that into it. Of course, at the time I didn't feel like I was taking advantage of her, I tried as best as I could to get her into feeling sexy, but I don't think she ever did - but I could tell she wanted to let me use her, in a way, and I did - it felt great, but afterward I felt bad about the situation because her heart wasn't into it. The past two days she has used me as a dry-humping target, but leaving me extremely turned on and aching for a BJ or a handjob and getting nothing - this is okay, because she deserves to use me whenever she wants, but I am so incredibly pumped up after one of these situations that not getting my own release is almost torture. I have been thinking a lot lately about asking her for a BJ - I have been craving one for months and months, and I don't have the courage to tell her that I miss that almost more than I do sex.

We finally had sex again! We had a long talk - I explained as well as I could that I can't go on this way, and that we need to work on this issue as much as possible. The next day we had sex - sadly it was in-a-hurry-sex because we were on the way out the door, but it was great. Now I just hope we can keep things going and not have me freak out for 3 more months before it happens again. I love her, and I love sex with her - it makes life better.

Still haven't had sex - been over 3 months now, even with a two week vacation. We need professional help, but can't afford it. She hasn't even given me a handjob in over a month - despite me telling her many times how important it is to me to maintain some level of sexuality between us. Sometimes I feel like this problem is effecting everything in my life, I get so down about it.